Gotta Love the KJV

A lot of people have been “booing” to the King James Version lately, and not for terrible reasons. I love the KJV and believe that it is the most beautiful artifact of the English language, but I don’t think it was the translation “authorized” by God as the “King James Only” advocates suggest because it certainly has problems (it is based on the Textus Receptus—an inferior manuscript collection—and has some Calvinistic tendencies; cf. Acts 2:47). However, here I want to suggest some good things about the KJV that are just FUN.


Do you have any of those pesky homophobes in your church? Well...pull this little ace out of your sleeve and silence the haters:

“…and ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing…” (James 2:3). 

BOO YA. And men rush to the mall to purchase that pink tie they've been eying. 

And who can forget the verse that every preacher secretly loves to shout from the pulpit...

“then are ye bastards, and not sons” (Hebrews 12:8)

But wait, there's more! Try reading this one in a Bible class full of gray-haired ladies:

“If I leave...by the morning light any of them that pisseth against the wall” (1 Sam. 25:22 and 5 other places). 

I don’t know what’s funnier: the archaic ending (like “he that barfeth in the toilet”) or the overall description!

And last but certainly not least, the verse whose veiled meaning turned grown preacher students into a group of hysterical 12-year-olds:

“We have been with child, we have been in pain, we have as it were brought forth wind” (Isaiah 23:18).

There you have it, folks....farting in the Bible. I won't elaborate on a man who "hath his stones broken" (Lev. 21:20), which, let's just say, isn't talking about his landscaping.