How to Handle Criticism

A long time ago, a wiser, older man gave me some great advice: “You just can't please everybody.” Anyone who has ever tried to accommodate a large group of people or even organize a small event has experienced this problem. Some will love your decisions, some will hate your decisions, and others just won't care. An article titled, “How To Change People's Minds” or “How To Make Decisions That Suit Everyone” would be nice, though quite unrealistic. So what do we do? Rather than throwing up our hands in exasperation and giving up, perhaps asking ourselves a few questions will help...

1. Did I do/say something wrong? When criticized, it is easy for me to say, “Well, he always complains about something” and then brush off the complaint. However, I need to consider that the complaint may be genuine. As Paul said, “Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves” (2 Cor. 13:5). When we compare ourselves and our actions to others, we are not wise (2 Cor. 10:12), so we should examine ourselves. The “knee-jerk” reaction to criticism is retaliation, but my first response should be introspection.

Pride can take many forms. It can appear as, I'm better than you or You're not as good as me. Whatever form it takes, pride will keep us from honest introspection. Tearing someone else down will not build up myself or my work. Paul said,

For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. (Galatians 6:4-5)

In other words, do not rejoice or take pride in the fact that someone else is wrong. Rather, rejoice and take pride in the fact that you are doing what you need to do regardless of how others act or treat you. But before I can “have rejoicing in myself,” I need to check and see if I am guiltless or not. If, upon examining myself, I found that I was indeed wrong, then I should humbly apologize and try to correct my mistake.

2. Did I do/say something in the wrong way? Perhaps what I said was true or what I did was right, but the way something is said was wrong. After all, the way something is said or done (through body language and other non-verbal cues) can affect how another person receives it. The Bible says,

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness. (Proverbs 15:1-2)

My words may express concern or gratitude, but my tone of voice, movement/placement of my hands, posture, facial expressions, etc. may say the opposite of my words. My intentions may have been good and my words may have been honest, but if this kind of miscommunication happens I should humbly clarify my intentions from thence be mindful of how I say/do things. Truly, people can make mountains out of molehills but I would rather not give them any dirt to play with.

3. If the answers to the first two questions were “No,” then ask, What is happening to this person to make him feel this way? While people can simply be mean sometimes, there is often a deeper reason for their hostility. Jesus said, “For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies (Matt. 15:19). Likewise, He said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh” (Matt. 12:34). If I am on the receiving end of a tongue lashing I need to consider the state of the person delivering the lashing. Human beings are frail, fragile, fallen, and broken. Scars on the heart may not be visible, but they are no less real than physical scars. In this case, I must follow one of my Lord's most difficult commands: love and pray for my enemy (Matt. 5:44).

4. Ask your Heavenly Father to carry the burden. He is able. On the cross, Jesus took more criticism than most of us will ever take. I should cast all my anxieties on Him (1 Pet. 5:7). In fact, “The eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers” (1 Pet. 3:12). Criticism can be stressful and even depressing, but I must remember the apostle's admonition: “In nothing be anxious; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God” (Philippians 4:6).